Yes, I'm still Alive.

So I never officially broke the news on my blog but (wah-lah) I moved to Kansas! 

Totally random I know. This decision came after much discussion. It may have seemed rash but it really needed to happen.  During the Summer of 2015 my parents visited my Grandma (my Dad's mother) and Uncle in Tonganoxie, Kansas. That trip revealed so much to my parents and they came back to North Carolina with excitement. Well my Dad was excited. Mom, she was happy but she was worried. She already could tell that Dad wanted to leave her beloved home in North Carolina. 

Our family in Kansas are part-time farmers. They grow flowers and vegetables and sell to their local flea market on the weekends. It's quite a daunting and hard-working job but can be very fruitful, financially. Which led me to be convinced that I needed to go. 

When my Dad asked if I would go, my immediate response was, "YES, I'm down!".

Many of you know I suffered a depression while I was in New York. Mainly due to my student debt. Which has affected my family severely. I don't want to go into too much detail but I can say that this was the best decision. I was waiting tables in Charlotte for a year and had frankly given up job hunting. I was sick of interviewing with companies that weren't going to hire me for whatever reason. 

Within a week of moving to Kansas I landed a full-time job as a Social Media Manager. I'm working at a Lingerie Company which I do find quite odd. It's a great pay and comes with full benefits. Wow, can you believe how long it's taken to get here? But can I just say that every experience led me here. Well I'll just give the credit to him. Because God is good. 

But back to the real reason I'm really writing this post. I contemplated for a long time whether I wanted to post tutorials on Youtube. And I decided that it was the right platform for me. I was just sick of having all this talent and not really using it. For example, I use to record my own vlogs and edit the videos. Then I use to freelance graphic design. Then I styled. Also blogged occassionally. Like what's up with all these skills? Like what was the bigger picture? 

So far I've uploaded a video once a week. 

And for once in my life. 

I'm not procrastinating. 

I have passion and I have drive.  

Come subscribe.

Thanks for your continuous support.

ILY

Enchanting Inspo | Haute Couture 2015

images via style.com

==> ==> ==> ==>

.head to toe. NARS matte velvet lip in Cruella, Banana Republic Sweater, Ann Taylor denim, Converse 

images by Ben Henry

There comes a point where one can only take so much. And finally breaks down. Like a dramatic scene in a movie I recall myself sobbing uncontrollably, sprawled all over my comfy bed. My sobs echoed throughout the cold bare walls. My tears wet my blanket. I felt defeated, lost and rejected. I had just left a three hour interview with a recruiting agency. She critiqued my resume by tearing it up to shreds. She told me that I don't make sense. She couldn't tell what I was trying to do. At that very moment I was confused myself. I just don't know anymore.

I always remember this situation so vividly because never did I ever expect myself to ever feel so fed up with rejection.

Never did I expect myself to crave validation this badly. 

More importantly, never did I see myself so bruised.

I don't know what God has in store for me. I never will. But what I hope is that I will not listen to those ugly thoughts that bring me down.

I'm not going to lie... I feel hurt. I feel stupid. 
I feel like I gave up. 

And that's definitely not like me.

Like these arrows I know my life has to move forward. I want to let go of this rejection that I feel. I don't want to doubt myself anymore.

I, Just need to Do Z.

Black Spring

.head to toe. NARS matte velvet lip in Cruella, Banana Republic Sweater, Ann Taylor denim, Converse
images by Ben Henry

Often times I'd stay away from sweaters because I NEVER looked good in them. NEVER! Maybe it's me being self-conscious or what not but I just hated how my chest would look. This modern, short, cropped sweater is so perfect for my frame. I was so in love with it that I bought it in two colors. LOL It also has these adorable zippers on the shoulder so you can un-zip for a sexier look. 

 Oh yeah and if you follow me on Instagram you would have already known that I cut my hair.

Don't you just love it?

I thought I was just going to get a colored ombre but I ended up chopping off ten inches. I guess I can always add the color later. 

Short hair has required so much maintenance. I have to wake up an hour early just so I can blow dry my hair. I haven't used a hair dryer in over 3-4 years so I'm so afraid that it's going to damage my hair. If you have any recommendations on how products that I can use to help prevent damage comment below. I would love to know your thoughts and opinions.  

Bronzed Native

Credits to models.com

Now that Spring has come upon us I'm looking forward to reviving my makeup routine. Due to my current job, I'm back to wearing heavier makeup on a regular basis. I barely get a day to let my face breath =(

But as always I'm always browsing Pinterest (my makeup board here) for new looks to try. I came across this editorial with these amazing golden eyes and brows. Typically I only use my natural brown colored Anastasia Brow pomade. But seriously these gold brows got me excited. This look is totally perfect for festivals and special nights out with the girls.

I also love the no eye-liner look. Normally I would always feel like my face would look so incomplete. Can we just live a life with no smudge stains when rubbing your eyes?

1989

.head to toe. Tarte "Generous" Lip Surgeon, thrifted dress/grey knit, Hipanema Necklace, Steve Madden strappys
images shot by Ben Henry

 Happy 25 years to me (!)

Aging since 1989.

Xx Pretty Woman xX

.head to toe. Tarte "Generous" Lip Surgeon, Zara top, thrifted trenchcoat, Schutz heels

images shot by Ben Henry

There's something about Winter in Charlotte that is just so perfect. It's not like that depressive feeling that I dreaded while in New York. To be honest the weather here is no where near comparable to that of the midwest. I suppose I have no right to complain then. Because of the semi-cold Winters I can still dress fairly light. Like every single year I've had a difficult time finding a Winter coat. I will browse a million stores until I decide that I wanted the first one I saw. I seriously can't just make up my mind. I'm one of those shoppers that needs to see EVERY single thing before I make my decision. I can't help it. Luckily I came across this almost floor-length pink trench coat for less than $15 bucks. It has got to be my favorite "steal" of the season. 

I truly feel so much more at ease being back. I'm very happy with my decision. Charlotte has been treating me so well. Love having Walmart back in my life again. She's the best. As much as I anticipated having my car back I've soon realized that I hate it. My back hurts mostly due to the fact I'm sitting a lot more than I'm use to. 

As I adjust to Charlotte I realized that I can totally shop comfortably. Which is an amazing feeling when you haven't been able to splurge on yourself because you may have to pay that electric bill. I seriously feel like a RICH lady now.  haha just joking. 

Funny thing I realized too...I've grown into a pretty woman as I like to call it. Seeing the growth in myself is astounding. Seriously!!! How did I become what I've always dreamed of? When I was little I always admired such elegant women. I never thought a crazy and obnoxious child would grow up to be so refined. 

(P.S. That doesn't mean I lost my inner child, though.)