PERSONAL: Those DAMN Butterflies

7.11.12


You know that feeling that you get when you meet that special someone? That feeling that doesn't happen very often but when it does you know you're in deep trouble. I'm talking about those damn butterflies. The ones that flutter in your stomach, uncontrollably. One minute you're feeling like you're on top of the world and one minute you want to throw up. I'm telling you these butterflies aren't the same ones you felt in college. They're not the ones that end in one night stands. Or the ones that last two weeks. They're the forever kind, I hope.

I mean I seriously can't make this feeling to go away. It's almost annoying I tell you. Annoying because I can't really decipher what my mind is telling me and why my body is reacting like this. I think I know what I'm feeling but then I don't really know. Anyways here's a glimpse of the conversation that plays in my conscience.

(Brain) - HEYYYYY
(Me) - Hi, wtf is the problem?
(Brain) - Oh, I'm just really happy.
(Me) - Ummm, okay. Why?
(Brain) - Because I really like his brain.
(Me) - Are you sure? You must be out of your mind. It's crazy that this is happening.
(Brain) - Nope I'm not crazy. I like this brain. Let me enjoy this for a little bit longer.
(Me) - I will if you would tell my stomach to stop making me sick every 2-3 seconds.
(Brain) - RELAX you're ruining it for me.
(Me) - Shouldn't you be the one telling me to relax....?

Okay I'm starting to sound psycho. I mean it appears that I find this guy interesting? I really didn't think I was capable of finding any guy interesting. All I'm saying is that no one has really kept my attention for longer than three weeks.

We've been going on dates every now and then. Simple dates. But I find it rather unusual lately. Hours before the date I start to get a little excited. I'm checking the mirror twice. Looking extra cute (even though I naturally am). 30 minutes before getting to the place I break out in a small sweat and those DAMN butterflies start batting their wings. I mean geez I'm really trying to calm myself down. It's as if I'm a first grader going to my first day of class. Nervous and shy. And if anyone knows me - I AM NOT EITHER OF THOSE.

The most awkward part is saying Hello. I know how retarded that might sound but I seem to forget how to hug a person properly. I do the half-hug. The annoying I-don't-like-you hug. What is my problem? I don't know (Kanye shrug). Our conversations start off kind of awkward at first and thankfully for alcohol it allows us to be break into our selves. Finally my brain shuts off and I'm just feeling this "feeling". Don't know what to name this "feeling" or these DAMN butterflies but I'm just going to do what my brain told me to do and relax =)