Yes, I'm still Alive.

So I never officially broke the news on my blog but (wah-lah) I moved to Kansas! 

Totally random I know. This decision came after much discussion. It may have seemed rash but it really needed to happen.  During the Summer of 2015 my parents visited my Grandma (my Dad's mother) and Uncle in Tonganoxie, Kansas. That trip revealed so much to my parents and they came back to North Carolina with excitement. Well my Dad was excited. Mom, she was happy but she was worried. She already could tell that Dad wanted to leave her beloved home in North Carolina. 

Our family in Kansas are part-time farmers. They grow flowers and vegetables and sell to their local flea market on the weekends. It's quite a daunting and hard-working job but can be very fruitful, financially. Which led me to be convinced that I needed to go. 

When my Dad asked if I would go, my immediate response was, "YES, I'm down!".

Many of you know I suffered a depression while I was in New York. Mainly due to my student debt. Which has affected my family severely. I don't want to go into too much detail but I can say that this was the best decision. I was waiting tables in Charlotte for a year and had frankly given up job hunting. I was sick of interviewing with companies that weren't going to hire me for whatever reason. 

Within a week of moving to Kansas I landed a full-time job as a Social Media Manager. I'm working at a Lingerie Company which I do find quite odd. It's a great pay and comes with full benefits. Wow, can you believe how long it's taken to get here? But can I just say that every experience led me here. Well I'll just give the credit to him. Because God is good. 

But back to the real reason I'm really writing this post. I contemplated for a long time whether I wanted to post tutorials on Youtube. And I decided that it was the right platform for me. I was just sick of having all this talent and not really using it. For example, I use to record my own vlogs and edit the videos. Then I use to freelance graphic design. Then I styled. Also blogged occassionally. Like what's up with all these skills? Like what was the bigger picture? 

So far I've uploaded a video once a week. 

And for once in my life. 

I'm not procrastinating. 

I have passion and I have drive.  

Come subscribe.

Thanks for your continuous support.

ILY

1989

.head to toe. Tarte "Generous" Lip Surgeon, thrifted dress/grey knit, Hipanema Necklace, Steve Madden strappys
images shot by Ben Henry

 Happy 25 years to me (!)

Aging since 1989.

Xx Pretty Woman xX

.head to toe. Tarte "Generous" Lip Surgeon, Zara top, thrifted trenchcoat, Schutz heels

images shot by Ben Henry

There's something about Winter in Charlotte that is just so perfect. It's not like that depressive feeling that I dreaded while in New York. To be honest the weather here is no where near comparable to that of the midwest. I suppose I have no right to complain then. Because of the semi-cold Winters I can still dress fairly light. Like every single year I've had a difficult time finding a Winter coat. I will browse a million stores until I decide that I wanted the first one I saw. I seriously can't just make up my mind. I'm one of those shoppers that needs to see EVERY single thing before I make my decision. I can't help it. Luckily I came across this almost floor-length pink trench coat for less than $15 bucks. It has got to be my favorite "steal" of the season. 

I truly feel so much more at ease being back. I'm very happy with my decision. Charlotte has been treating me so well. Love having Walmart back in my life again. She's the best. As much as I anticipated having my car back I've soon realized that I hate it. My back hurts mostly due to the fact I'm sitting a lot more than I'm use to. 

As I adjust to Charlotte I realized that I can totally shop comfortably. Which is an amazing feeling when you haven't been able to splurge on yourself because you may have to pay that electric bill. I seriously feel like a RICH lady now.  haha just joking. 

Funny thing I realized too...I've grown into a pretty woman as I like to call it. Seeing the growth in myself is astounding. Seriously!!! How did I become what I've always dreamed of? When I was little I always admired such elegant women. I never thought a crazy and obnoxious child would grow up to be so refined. 

(P.S. That doesn't mean I lost my inner child, though.)

Because I'm Happy

images from Jeff Koons exhibit at The Whitney Museum, 2014

(FYI - colors of images have been manipulated)

There are many points in your life where you finally come to the conclusion that you should have trusted your gut feeling. I remember that feeling I would get when I would knowingly waste my time on hopeless relationships. Immediately after agreeing to go along with their decisions I would have a gut-wrenching knot in my stomach. It boggles my mind to think that our bodies can react to "wrong" decisions. Like why can't my body do a gigantic happy dance when I'm about to do something right???

When you're young and naive I liked to think you get some sort of FREE pass. But now that I've gained more experience I find it so much easier to stop myself from making habitual mistakes. For so long I chose to ignore that instinctual feeling. In a way I feel like it was me taking the easy way out. I hate confrontation. I hate losing people I care about. But what if the truth was that I didn't have such a strong self. Maybe??

What annoys me about this "psychic" feeling that I have....(I call it "psychic" because I've been on a crazy psychic documentary spree. Apparently everyone has a psychic ability. I'm just exercising it! lol) But back to my point - It's almost like I can't do anything without having these thoughts like - "this is what will happen" or "this isn't the right thing" or "don't take that second date". Do you call that gut feeling or self-sabotage?

For the first time in forever (cheesy Frozen reference) I feel so empowered. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I know what I am able to take. I know what I like. I know how I should be treated. 

And lastly, I'm happy.

// 2 0 1 4 - " I SEE FIRE " \\

2013 went by so fast and I can't believe I'm 24 already. Lawddddd. Whatever because I enjoyed 2013. I really did. It was the most spontaneous I have ever lived. I mean I went to a bunch of concerts. Traveled a few places. Splurged on a few goods. Loved a lot of people. That's the life man. That's the life.

Here are a few pictures from New Year's Eve. I spent some quality time with a few friends in Brooklyn. We always throw an annual themed party. This year it was "Back to the 80's". I was really trying not to be a stereotypical 80's celebrity but of course I waited last minute. So all the things I had in my closet could only translate into Madonna. I mean I guess I only own trashy clothing. OOPS.

Looked at my Style Resolutions from last year. I think I did pretty good. I accomplished all of them except for #4 - "Wear more pants" and #5 - "Try new hairstyles". I think I've given up on the fact that I just don't like pants. LOL According to my last laundry day I found that I had one pair of pant. The rest were skirts. Let me remind you it's Winter in New York too! See I just don't do pants. I've accepted that now. As for hairstyles that was a complete fail. I finally learned how to properly take care of my dead hair. It was destroyed by countless curling iron sessions and box dye. Now it's all soft and silky. For one I quit using the hair dryer. Air drying is the way to go! Plus I never sleep with my hair wet. That's just uncomfortable and I hate when my pillow gets all wet. And I quit curling my hair all the time. It was frying the fuck out of it.

This year I've written down my goals. Broke them down into short and long-term. This year I really want to make moves and besides all the fun I need to work harder on building my brand. Time to get to work!!

Let's all have another great year! 2014 I'm readyyyyyyyyy! 

\\ Orange Punch //

.head to toe. F21 plaid hi-lo top, Adidas gym shorts, Artizia camo windbreaker, F21 neckplate, boots

It's always this time of the year where I become so reflective and sentimental. Holidays just have that affect on you I guess. I've been so happy with the way my journey has played out. Life is so precious and every moment that I get to soak in knowledge and life I'm willing to go forth with it. My most favorite moments have been the times where I don't think. It's all about feeling every teensy sensation. Sometimes I catch myself being a bit emotional (especially on a train). And its mostly because of all the the small things. I have the most amazing people in my life. Every time I need anything - I can always turn to these people to shower me with words of wisdom. Words of encouragement mean so much to me. I don't know how I would of made it without a "you'll be fine", "if you need money I can help", "you're an inspiration to me", "don't change - you're perfect just the way you are" and my favorite "can I have your instagram life?".

If you ever get the chance - get off your iphone and explore your neighborhood. Find an exhibit. Crash a concert. These experiences have truly made me 10x happier. And always share your happiness with others. 

RISK TAKER : kimono love

.head to toe. zara kimono, top shop tank, zara skirt, forever 21 heels, celine sunnies

These images are quite different from anything I've shot before. I'm pretty happy with them! Sometimes I think it's crazy that people have the time to shoot an outfit for every day. Like what else do you do? But again I've always wanted to share with my family and friends what life in the city is like, how I've changed, what I wear, etc. In college I was always experimenting with my style and basically wear just about anything. I wasn't afraid. I miss that about me - being fearless. It's not to say that I'm not anymore.  I think I've simplified my taste a little. But I really want to have that fearless attitude again.

Anyways the back story to this shoot : Last year I met one of my favorite fashion inspirational bloggers, Genetic Boi. I remember logging into Facebook and seeing his name pop on my feed. One of our mutual Facebook friends had commented on his photo. I clicked on it and found out he moved to New York City (what a coincidence, I did too!). I was completely estatic. No one knows but I was always a fan of Quan long before his current blog. I use to follow him on asianavenue (popular asian website, kinda like myspace). But by follow - I would stalk his posts and images because he was always posting these amazing photo shoots with these photographer sisters. *Fast forward back to me surfing on Facebook* I added him as a friend and posted on his page saying how much he inspired me and I hope I would be able to meet him. He replied and said hopefully we would. Then a couple weeks later I was working (at Top Man) and I see this asian boy with blue hair(at the time Quan dyed his hair blue). I didn't quite think that much about it but I started to realize that he had the same physical features as Genetic Boi. And that is when I freaked out. He started to walk towards where I was standing and I just started screaming. He looked and me (thank god he recognized me or I would have been embarrassed) and started screaming too. I'm sure at that point he realized that I was the girl who had just written to him on Facebook a couple weeks ago. We both probably looked like the cute asian cartoon characters jumping for joy. HA HA. Since then we've become such great friends. I occasionally help shoot his outfits for his blog and if there is time he shoots me. I'm so grateful to have met Quan. He's such an inspiration to me because I feel like we understand each other. He has a dream and so do I. He needs support and so do I. He is often misunderstood and so am I.

*These images were shot in Summer. I no longer have long hair =X

Top 5 Places I'd Like to Visit

Right now I won't have the funds to go on any extravagant vacations this year but that doesn't stop a girl from dreaming. I will be traveling back to my home state of Wisconsin for my Grandma's birthday celebration and hopefully Vegas in the late Summer. Who knows where else the year will take me! Well I've decided to rack up the top 5 places I'd like to visit outside of the United States and share them with you all. I definitely will be sharing you the reasons for each and I hope you get a better sense of where my mind is at.

1. Morocco - I'm totally in love with the beauty of the people, architecture and culture. If I lived in a place where everything was so brightly colored I think I would be the happiest girl on earth. I love the fact that this country is so modern in design but also holds on to their history. I really want to explore the street markets, historical places, and of course bathe in a luxurious pool.

2. Tibet - Tibet may not have a lot of attractions but I think I really want to meet the villagers. The people really draw me here. Maybe because every photo I see is a scruffy old man with piercing eyes. For me I really wouldn't care if I stayed in a nice place. The experience would be enough for me. I'm also interested in the kind of food. What to expect? I don't know. Never had any Tibetan food.

3. Nepal - I would love to make a stop since it's neighbors with Tibet. The culture is very similar to that of Tibet. I'd really like to visit the national park to see the mountains and gigantic temples. And of course I would love to hopefully try on some traditional Nepal clothing.

 4. Egypt - For some reason I've always had a connection with Egyptian history. I'm fascinated by the ancient ruins and all the mythology. I want to explore the tombs, pyramids, and the temples. I would love to dig in the dirt too!

 5. Pompeii, Italy - I've read about the ruins of Pompeii when I was a little girl. I'd be so elated if I got the opportunity to visit what I could only read about. Some might think I'm weird for wanting to visit a town with towns of dead people. I guess I'm just weird like that. Of course I want to explore Italy too but Pompeii is a must.

Lets cross our fingers and hope I get a chance to see all these places in this lifetime!!! images do not belong to me

RUNWAY FEVER: Short Stuff

If you aren't following my instagram then you probably don't know that I dyed my beautiful blonde hair to black. I made the decision to keep my wild streak to a minimum. Only because I'm still in the process of looking for a decent paying job. And that would require me to look very corporate like. I will miss the blonde - I already do. I tend to get bored of my hair and like to reinvent myself. This time I'm just regular ole me. Nothing wrong with that. But something inside me screams for change.

So I've been thinking about maybe get a new haircut. My hair is currently uneven since I did shave my hair last year. It has grown out but now one side is shoulder length while the other falls below my breast. I really love my long hair but thi short edgy cut is really cute. I'm thinking my hair would work really well since it's full of volume. But then again I really think I look great with longer hair. And with my face shape I might not pull it off like the pictures below. Decisions, decisions.

What do you think? What should I do?

 

Personal: Style Resolutions + Urban Denim Chic Editorial

First post of the year. Seriously can't believe it's 2013. Probably because I'm getting so old. I shouldn't be complaining. ha ha (I'm really not much older than I perceive myself to be)

A few STYLE resolutions I want to play around with this year:

1. Less is more - I'm not really one to be simple when it comes to my personal style but I wouldn't mind giving it a shot. Like I stated last year I feel like my style is gently maturing each and every day. I love it and I'm so excited to continue to explore! Pintrest has really got me addicted to the simple yet tailored look. Btw follow me here!

2. Incorporating my culture - Being a Hmong-American I find that it's really our job to inform the community about the identity of the Hmong people. It wasn't until I moved to NYC did I realize how uniformed or misunderstood we really are. I mean it is great that some know of us due to Clint Eastwood's film but geez we really need to step it up. This year I'm vowing to represent my culture in whatever I wear. Whether it's color choices, an accessory or even a hairstyle.

3. Building heel/pump collection - This one is going to take much more effort. I'm so use to wearing flats, sneakers, combat boots, etc. I let down my shoe game and I really want to try harder on establishing a few good classics that work with my wardrobe. This also means I want to wear them out more! Yay! Must learn to avoid pot holes. Thanks NYC for the shitty sidewalks.

4. Pants, Pants, Pants - I'm not a fan of jeans, pants, bottoms or whatever you call them. WHY? #1 - I feel like a muffin top and #2- I don't like how I look because I have no booty. YES, I am self-conscious of my flat asian booty.  (It's growing though! Working out pays off) But I want to try and wear more bottoms. Especially because there are so many options to choose from these days.

5. Experiment with hairstyles - This one might take some effort but I'm kinda bored of the curly hair that I'm comfortable with. When I was in middle school I would always try all sorts of things. What ever happened? I got lazy or maybe I just care less about it.

Veering off topic - I wanted to share this editorial because it pretty much has a few of the style resolutions that  I really want to try this year.

 

 For the rest of the editorial click here.

RUNWAY FEVER: Gypsy

If I you could live one day in my fantasy world this is exactly how you would dress. The more you dress like a gypsy the happier you'll be. Proven fact in my book. (I'm just saying) This editorial was titled "Grand Bazaar". When I think of the word "bazaar" it brings me back to my family vacation to Thailand. There was this local night bazaar that we would attend to every night. It was basically a bunch of vendors selling touristy things, fresh local produce, and fun musical entertainment. Such a memorable experience and eye opening trip. I really do want to go back.

I'm really amazed at how much Asian culture has influenced fashion editorials. It's becoming a norm to see Asian culture and role models in the media now. I'm very proud and love the fact that fashion is moving away from the stereotypes. YES! Besides the asian influence I really enjoy the mixing of the prints. I'm really experimental when it comes to prints. I'm willing to push boundaries. I think the styling was really tasteful. The styling shows that prints are very wearable. Kudos to the stylist!

Photography by Begum Yetis

Styling by Dilara Fındıkoglu

Hair by Tayfun Kaydok

Makeup by Ufuk Celep

Model Kat Cordts @ Joy Models Istanbul For more visit here.

PERSONAL: Those DAMN Butterflies

You know that feeling that you get when you meet that special someone? That feeling that doesn't happen very often but when it does you know you're in deep trouble. I'm talking about those damn butterflies. The ones that flutter in your stomach, uncontrollably. One minute you're feeling like you're on top of the world and one minute you want to throw up. I'm telling you these butterflies aren't the same ones you felt in college. They're not the ones that end in one night stands. Or the ones that last two weeks. They're the forever kind, I hope.

I mean I seriously can't make this feeling to go away. It's almost annoying I tell you. Annoying because I can't really decipher what my mind is telling me and why my body is reacting like this. I think I know what I'm feeling but then I don't really know. Anyways here's a glimpse of the conversation that plays in my conscience.

(Brain) - HEYYYYY

(Me) - Hi, wtf is the problem?

(Brain) - Oh, I'm just really happy.

(Me) - Ummm, okay. Why?

(Brain) - Because I really like his brain.

(Me) - Are you sure? You must be out of your mind. It's crazy that this is happening.

(Brain) - Nope I'm not crazy. I like this brain. Let me enjoy this for a little bit longer.

(Me) - I will if you would tell my stomach to stop making me sick every 2-3 seconds.

(Brain) - RELAX you're ruining it for me.

(Me) - Shouldn't you be the one telling me to relax....?

Okay I'm starting to sound psycho. I mean it appears that I find this guy interesting? I really didn't think I was capable of finding any guy interesting. All I'm saying is that no one has really kept my attention for longer than three weeks.

We've been going on dates every now and then. Simple dates. But I find it rather unusual lately. Hours before the date I start to get a little excited. I'm checking the mirror twice. Looking extra cute (even though I naturally am). 30 minutes before getting to the place I break out in a small sweat and those DAMN butterflies start batting their wings. I mean geez I'm really trying to calm myself down. It's as if I'm a first grader going to my first day of class. Nervous and shy. And if anyone knows me - I AM NOT EITHER OF THOSE.

The most awkward part is saying Hello. I know how retarded that might sound but I seem to forget how to hug a person properly. I do the half-hug. The annoying I-don't-like-you hug. What is my problem? I don't know (Kanye shrug). Our conversations start off kind of awkward at first and thankfully for alcohol it allows us to be break into our selves. Finally my brain shuts off and I'm just feeling this "feeling". Don't know what to name this "feeling" or these DAMN butterflies but I'm just going to do what my brain told me to do and relax =)

PERSONAL: 3 things that make me go ahhhh!

1. Student Loans

2. Career

3. Boys

The end.

RISK TAKER: Tiffany Hsu

Ever since I saw the first street-style snap of Tiffany Hsu, buyer at Lane Bryant, I've fell madly in love with her style. She is the epitome of tomboy-chic. Tomboy-chic is what I call -- boy meets girl and have a baby. What I admire most about Tiffany Hsu is her use of colors, phenomenal layering, and that freaking awesome bob. I wish I could chop my hair like hers without looking like a weirdo. Only because I have a gigantic basketball head. Short hair cuts just don't flatter me =( If I could borrow steal something from someone's closet it would have to be Tiff! I can't wait to see more of Tiffany's looks because like a true risk taker she keeps me on my toes. If you find more information about her let me know! images via tumblr

RUNWAY FEVER: Altuzarra + Tibi

Love me?

Buy these in a size 7 and send them to me.

images belong to Style.com

PERSONAL : New Beginnings

It's 1:07 A.M in the morning and I just can't sleep. Not really sure what's really going on in my mind but I guess it's time to play catch up. As some of you might have noticed, I haven't been vlogging for a while now. Mainly because I don't have a camera anymore. I don't want to go back to my laptop because of the quality. I'm trying to get my hands on some kind of device but to be honest I have so much going on right now. It's hard to make videos/edit/etc. There are so many stressful subjects on my mind like student loans, bills, personal life, etc.

I think the last time I mentioned my current job status was when I last worked at a law company. Law is totally not my cup of tea but it paid the bills. I was able to catch a break and enjoy NYC for a while. Things didn't work out and I'm no longer with the company.

Am I sad? No - because I was never happy there and the place didn't match up with my morals, goals, and ideas.

What am I doing now? Job hunting, interviews, freelance, and interning at shopmaeven.com (so excited).

Shopmaeven.com is this chic online vintage boutique that carries women's apparel and accessories. All products are so hip and modern. I was brought on as a stylist and will help out with the social media occasionally. Totally jumping for joy because you all know how much I love styling! I plan on updating behind-the-scenes images on my instagram (zabbbeyyy). Follow to stay updated.

Alright, that's all for now. Take care lovelies!

My Week on Instagram - Zabbbeyyy

(1-2) Photoshoot for DRESSED MAGAZINE October Issue

(2) Brunch from Mystery Man. (3) Cynthia Germain at BKFW B.A.G Expo

(4) Bindi Love (5-6) Barksdale S/S 2013 Fashion Show

(7-8) Natural Museum with Mystery Man

(9) Emerge Fashion Show (10) Dimples
(11) Throwback of me as a pinup girl

Follow me on instagram, I'd love to see your photos.

zabbbeyyy