Because I'm Happy


images from Jeff Koons exhibit at The Whitney Museum, 2014
(FYI - colors of images have been manipulated)

There are many points in your life where you finally come to the conclusion that you should have trusted your gut feeling. I remember that feeling I would get when I would knowingly waste my time on hopeless relationships. Immediately after agreeing to go along with their decisions I would have a gut-wrenching knot in my stomach. It boggles my mind to think that our bodies can react to "wrong" decisions. Like why can't my body do a gigantic happy dance when I'm about to do something right???

When you're young and naive I liked to think you get some sort of FREE pass. But now that I've gained more experience I find it so much easier to stop myself from making habitual mistakes. For so long I chose to ignore that instinctual feeling. In a way I feel like it was me taking the easy way out. I hate confrontation. I hate losing people I care about. But what if the truth was that I didn't have such a strong self. Maybe??

What annoys me about this "psychic" feeling that I have....(I call it "psychic" because I've been on a crazy psychic documentary spree. Apparently everyone has a psychic ability. I'm just exercising it! lol) But back to my point - It's almost like I can't do anything without having these thoughts like - "this is what will happen" or "this isn't the right thing" or "don't take that second date". Do you call that gut feeling or self-sabotage?

For the first time in forever (cheesy Frozen reference) I feel so empowered. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I know what I am able to take. I know what I like. I know how I should be treated. 

And lastly, I'm happy.