My America(na)

.head to toe. f.21 wide brim hat, thrifted dress, Pac Sun denim, boots(?)

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Who am I? Where do I belong? Where am I going? Do people understand me? Am I doing the right thing? 

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These are the questions that constantly flood my every being. 

I know I have flaws. 

I am not perfect. I am insecure. 

I am what I am.  

They say you'll never have the answers - one day each moment, dream, laugh, cry, heartbreak, death and birth - will all make sense. As we continue to grow there are special incidents (or reminders as I like to call them) in our lives that reveal our purpose. In the past week I realized that the inner turmoil I have been battling with was an ugly combination of self-hate, unrealistic societal standards, the need for validation and the ever so ugly - jealously. Sounds like quite a big beast right?

As a reflective and self-critical person I wanted answers and I wanted them NOW. 

I titled this post "My America(na)". What does that mean? Technically - Americana is any "artifact or collection of artifacts associated to the history, location and cultural heritage of America". Now what does Americana have anything with my stupid flaws and insecurities? It has everything to do with them. People say know your roots. Know who you are. 

I know the American Dream. But what did it teach me? 

It idolizes people, life, class, sex, etc. I am not going to label and confine myself to satisfy the pedestal I have built. The pedestal that the American Dream has taught me to built. 

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FUCK THE AMERICAN DREAM. 

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My CONSITUTION, My America(na)

From every day forward I shall dress how I want to. Sing how I want to. Dance how I want to. Believe in what I want to. 

CREATE THE ART THAT I WANT TO.

And I will not 

I. confine to the ideals of oneself or others

II. live for attention or glory

III. hurt myself with words, labels and images

Signed, 

(WITH MY BIG MOAFUCKA' JOHN HANCOCK)

Zabeth Chang

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P.S.  Love yourself. Share your love, wealth and knowledge. Trust. 

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xx

^ DUMBO, you have my heart ^

.head to toe. vintage bra, thrifted floral blouse, American Apparel pant, Zara heels

I have made such wonderful memories during my time in Washington Heights. But deep inside I knew my heart was somewhere else. I mean it's obvious that living in the city(Manhattan) changed me. For one - my fashion choices went down the drain. Like seriously... I looked a hot mess. I had absolutely zero inspiration to play dress up.  Which totally isn't like me. And in the mess of it all the smallest things like "people" started to irritate me. Like you know it's bad when you want to cuss at every tourist. Basically imagine some adolescent girl who never stopped being on her period. That was me for a while. 

Although - I do need to thank the Heights for many things...like my adult (because this can be hard to find ANYWHERE) roomies who were willing to take me in when I needed a place to stay, the tasty and flavorful Dominican food/hott Latin men, the only Chinese take-out spot that made fried cheese wontons the way I like it and the convenience of the "A" express train esp. during my drunken extravaganzas. 

Can I also say that I am so blessed to have found this room in DUMBO for a fairly reasonable price. God was definitley with me throughout this difficult time. And of course my fabulous friends and family. Finding an apartment and being unemployed is the most stressful thing EVER. But as always - I ALWAYS find a way to make it work. 

This Spring I'm looking forward to traveling light and incorporating more neutral colors in my color palette. This will definitely be a challenge as I was constantly sporting darker shades. Not trying to go all psychological on you all but maybe it can be blamed or reflect the lack of inspiration that I fell into? And as the sun appears brighter each day I will begin to pull out those high-waisted shorts. 

Honey, you just don't know how long these legs have been wanting to be touched by the sun.  

xx

\\ Orange Punch //

.head to toe. F21 plaid hi-lo top, Adidas gym shorts, Artizia camo windbreaker, F21 neckplate, boots

It's always this time of the year where I become so reflective and sentimental. Holidays just have that affect on you I guess. I've been so happy with the way my journey has played out. Life is so precious and every moment that I get to soak in knowledge and life I'm willing to go forth with it. My most favorite moments have been the times where I don't think. It's all about feeling every teensy sensation. Sometimes I catch myself being a bit emotional (especially on a train). And its mostly because of all the the small things. I have the most amazing people in my life. Every time I need anything - I can always turn to these people to shower me with words of wisdom. Words of encouragement mean so much to me. I don't know how I would of made it without a "you'll be fine", "if you need money I can help", "you're an inspiration to me", "don't change - you're perfect just the way you are" and my favorite "can I have your instagram life?".

If you ever get the chance - get off your iphone and explore your neighborhood. Find an exhibit. Crash a concert. These experiences have truly made me 10x happier. And always share your happiness with others. 

+ short stop

.head to toe. thrifted velvet skater dress, thrifted denim jacket, thrifted shoes, warby parker glasses

My hair has been un-even for the longest time. Because 2 years ago I made the decision to shave half my head, click here for pictures. But I didn't stop shaving it until maybe early last year. Thankfully I'm lucky that my hair grows extremely fast. My hair hit my shoulder by end of last year. 

Recently I've had the urge to cut my hair. If you know me - that's the thing that bores me the most. Don't know why. I actually really wanted to color it but now that I'm working in corporate I'm trying to maintain that professional look.  Haha. I love the new hair because it balances me out since I'm quite short. Doesn't it look so chic? LOL 

**These pictures were taken when the weather was still warm but breezy. Now it's starting to get colder. So I obviously won't be wearing a dress without leggings. Winter will be here soon. Are you excited? Cause I am. 

RISK TAKER : kimono love

.head to toe. zara kimono, top shop tank, zara skirt, forever 21 heels, celine sunnies

These images are quite different from anything I've shot before. I'm pretty happy with them! Sometimes I think it's crazy that people have the time to shoot an outfit for every day. Like what else do you do? But again I've always wanted to share with my family and friends what life in the city is like, how I've changed, what I wear, etc. In college I was always experimenting with my style and basically wear just about anything. I wasn't afraid. I miss that about me - being fearless. It's not to say that I'm not anymore.  I think I've simplified my taste a little. But I really want to have that fearless attitude again.

Anyways the back story to this shoot : Last year I met one of my favorite fashion inspirational bloggers, Genetic Boi. I remember logging into Facebook and seeing his name pop on my feed. One of our mutual Facebook friends had commented on his photo. I clicked on it and found out he moved to New York City (what a coincidence, I did too!). I was completely estatic. No one knows but I was always a fan of Quan long before his current blog. I use to follow him on asianavenue (popular asian website, kinda like myspace). But by follow - I would stalk his posts and images because he was always posting these amazing photo shoots with these photographer sisters. *Fast forward back to me surfing on Facebook* I added him as a friend and posted on his page saying how much he inspired me and I hope I would be able to meet him. He replied and said hopefully we would. Then a couple weeks later I was working (at Top Man) and I see this asian boy with blue hair(at the time Quan dyed his hair blue). I didn't quite think that much about it but I started to realize that he had the same physical features as Genetic Boi. And that is when I freaked out. He started to walk towards where I was standing and I just started screaming. He looked and me (thank god he recognized me or I would have been embarrassed) and started screaming too. I'm sure at that point he realized that I was the girl who had just written to him on Facebook a couple weeks ago. We both probably looked like the cute asian cartoon characters jumping for joy. HA HA. Since then we've become such great friends. I occasionally help shoot his outfits for his blog and if there is time he shoots me. I'm so grateful to have met Quan. He's such an inspiration to me because I feel like we understand each other. He has a dream and so do I. He needs support and so do I. He is often misunderstood and so am I.

*These images were shot in Summer. I no longer have long hair =X